October 2008 Archives

I Miss My Boy!!

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Luc's grandpa and grandma "kidnapped" Luc for most of the week and took him to Panguitch to get the house closed up for winter.  He has called every day to tell me the fun things they are doing there.  They found a field where there are a lot of jackrabbits.  He was able to use his gun and do a little rabbit hunting.  He loved it.  He is coming back this afternoon. I am soooo excited!! 

When the nurse coordinator called last time with Luc's blood counts, she also told me that Dr. Lemons would like Luc to have an MRI after his echocardiogram on Friday when he goes in for his next treatment. (I didn't think he would have to be scanned until December.)  Whenever scans come up my stomach starts to get so anxious.  I want so badly to receive good news, but for the past year the scans have not been very positive.  Please pray that the tumor has at least stopped growing.  Last time, at the hospital, the doctor said that if a scan showed that the tumor was still growing then they would stop the chemo treatments.  I don't know what we would do after that.  I am trying to stay positive.  I know that the Lord is in control.  He can see the whole picture and I trust that the best thing for Luc and all of us will happen.  This life is such a short "blip" in our eternal lives.  I am sure that when we get to the other side, and are able to see all the good that comes from those extremely difficult hardships we have had to endure, we will rejoice in the wisdom of our Father.  Our job is to keep our eyes focused on Him and never turn away.  I know He loves each of us more than we can fathom, despite our faults and frailties. I also know that, at the most difficult times in our lives, our Savior will carry us if we will allow Him.  I have had to ask for that help both for myself and for my boy.  I know we could never do this alone.  I realize my utter dependance on Him.  There are not words to describe how thankful I am for my Savior.

Marley

The Miraculous Body

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Today I am in awe of our bodies.  Luc and I had the privilege of going to Body Worlds at the Leonardo in Salt Lake.  The director of the Salt Lake Chapter of HopeKids arranged for us to go today.  It was truly amazing.  No wonder God considers us His greatest creation.  It truly is a miracle how our bodies function and how resilient they are.

Luc's favorite part of the exhibit was the room with the development of the embryo into a fetus and then into a baby.  He was so amazed at how an embryo tinier than a peanut can have arms and legs, fingers and toes.  He felt sad to see the tiny babies who didn't make it to full term, even though they looked perfect.

We took special notice of the area of the body where Luc's tumor is located.  It was so helpful to visualize what the brachial plexus looks like.  No wonder they call it the "nerve center".  It is so intricate.

I asked Luc if he still wanted to be a surgeon after seeing all the aspects of the human body and hearing how complicated it truly is.  He said that he was more excited than ever to go into the medical field.  We both absolutely loved the exhibit.

Marley

P.S.  Luc's blood counts are still okay and we are so grateful for that so that we could go today.

A Day of Gratitude

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As I was tucking Zac into bed last night I thought, "I can't wait until we are in our house and Zac can have a regular bed and not a bunkbed.  I want to be able to sit on the side of his bed and rub his back instead of having to reach up over the safety plank to rub his back."  In that moment I realized that I was focusing on what I didn't have instead of what I do have.  The feeling of lack was immediately replaced by a feeling of abundance and gratitude.  I truly felt grateful that we all have beds, a warm place to sleep and that we are all together as a family.

Today I am so grateful for an abundance of the necessities of life.  I am deeply grateful to be surrounded by people who love us.  I am grateful to live so close to a hospital, doctors, and nurses who so kindly treat my incredible son.  I am grateful that he is starting to feel better, that he ate 3 pieces of pizza last night.  I am grateful for his awesome friends who are so supportive of him.  I am grateful to know that the Lord is not only watching over us, but walking beside us.  He also has blessed us with a host of both heavenly and earthly angels to care for us.  We are blessed so abundantly and are so grateful to our Father in Heaven for all the good in our lives.  We are also grateful for the not so good because we know that he can turn everything for our good.  I trust Him and that feels so good.

Last day!

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We get to go home today!  This has been a huge challenge for Luc.  I know he is a strong boy, but even for someone so strong it is extremely difficult.  I wish I could write that he is doing great, that it is not affecting him, that he stays so positive.  The fact is sometimes reality isn't all that positive.  I am very impressed with him for his endurance.  Sometimes in life all you can do is just hang on and that is what he is doing right now.  Most of us have had times like that in our life whether it is a physical, spiritual or emotional thing.

His friend, David, came up last night and they played a video game.  The distraction was so good for him.  He doesn't really smile or laugh when he's in the hospital, but he did last night with David.  It made my heart feel so good to see him happy, enjoying time with his friend.

We are grateful that he gets to go home today.  I met parents of a girl who was diagnosed one week ago with leukemia.  She has to be in for a month.  Fortunately she is not feeling sick, but her bone marrow isn't making any red, white blood cells or platelets so she has to be given transfusions.  When we meet others, we are grateful that we haven't been given any more than we have.

Marley

Quick update

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Just a quick update.  Luc has been doing well.  He just started to feel nauseous in the past hour.  He is trying to stay positive and focus on other things.  We switched beds last night.  He wanted to be out of the hospital bed.  He said he did okay last night.  You don't get much sleep when the nurses come in every 2 hours.  We feel so grateful that we don't have to stay any longer than we do.  We know that there are so many children that spend long periods of time here.  We really feel for them and their families.

Marley

Powerful letter

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I know I already posted today, but I just read this letter on the blog of the family in our ward whose daughter is battling brain cancer.  I didn't even know that September was Childhood Cancer Awareness month.  If you find this as compelling as I did, please copy it and e-mail it to all the people you know.  We need to do something about this.  If funding for childhood cancer is so limited, imagine how limited the funding is for research of extremely rare tumors/cancers such as the one Luc has.

September 28, 2008

Have you seen a gold ribbon? Do you know what it stands for? Have you heard that September is Childhood Cancer Awareness Month? I am the mother of a child living with brain cancer, a diffuse intrinsic pontine glioma. I finished breast cancer treatment on July 10th and flew from Michigan to West Virginia that day for the funeral of another child...a beautiful fourteen year old girl who lost her battle with the same rare brain cancer. Everywhere I look I see pink ribbons, I feel gratefulness. ..and I feel anguish. According to an article published in the New York Times on September 22, 2008, as a result of advances in treatment "...98 percent of women with early-stage [breast] cancers survive at least five years.." Why is this true? Because we have banded together to raise awareness and funding for our mothers, our sisters, our aunts, and our daughters. Our children who are living with-and dying from-cancer desperately need that same attention... and funding.

Helen Jonsen, Forbes.com senior editor and mother of a child who recently underwent treatment for osteosarcoma, stated in a September 12th article, "Cancer is the No. 1 disease killer of children in the U.S. ...We tend to talk about it in hushed tones instead of screaming for help. But scream we should." The article goes on to say, "The funding for pediatric cancer clinical trials has gone down every year since 2003, and is currently $26.4 million. By comparison, NCI funding for AIDS research was $254 million in 2006; funding for breast cancer topped $584 million the same year." September 13th was our nation's first Childhood Cancer Awareness Day. When I didn't see anything about it in the news-but I did hear about National Talk Like a Pirate Day a couple days later, I made some calls to our local news stations. For some reason I can't get the words of one of the story editors out of my mind. "So...what's your event?" Later."Pitch me a story."

Let's see...ummmm. ..would the deaths of 2,300 children each year be newsworthy? What about the diagnosis of 46 children each and every school day? What about the fact that only 2/3 of children diagnosed with cancer will survive? We could move on to funding. Is it newsworthy that for every dollar spent on a patient with prostate cancer, less than 20 cents is spent on a child with cancer...or that a patient with breast cancer has triple the research resource allocated to her when compared to a child?When I mentioned that Child Cancer Awareness Day--and month--are a national thing, I was told, 'We put local news first.' Okay...I can handle that. A local event...I have a list of them.

The shock of a family receiving a breast cancer diagnosis on an October Monday afternoon, and taking their six-year-old to the Emergency Room on Thursday only to be told, "There is a large area of swelling in the brainstem; we suspect a mass." We could always throw in the comic relief of the words, "My mom has a mass!" coming out of the mouth on that happy little face.

How about a mother leaving the Pediatric Intensive Care Unit late that night to go home because she knows she needs to get a good night's sleep before attending an Interdisciplinary Clinic early the next morning...where her own treatment plan will be recommended?

How about a local pastor, husband, and father being given the specifics of his son's grim diagnosis and prognosis in one hospital while waiting for news of the specifics of his wife's diagnosis and prognosis from the Cancer Center at another hospital?

How about an 11-year-old boy and an 8-year-old girl being abruptly pulled out of the routine world of reading, writing, arithmetic, language, history and science as taught to them by Mom at home...and being thrown into a class on brain anatomy and abnormalities (specifically their little brother's) taught appropriately and compassionately by an MSU med school professor... who also happens to be their brother's new oncologist?

How about a six-year-old who finds himself no longer able to play the piano, the violin, or the cello because he has lost the strength on the left side of his body?

How about a mother waking up in her child's hospital room one morning, showering, and walking downstairs for her lumpectomy.. .while her husband takes over the duties of hospital parent and waits anxiously in his son's room for news of his wife's surgery?

Looking for a human interest story? Try the same mother moving back into the hospital early on a Sunday morning four days later so that her husband, a pastor, can be in church...only to watch in disbelief as her fun-loving, active six-year-old- -determined not to have an accident--becomes too weak to sit up to go to the bathroom on a bedside commode. What about the willingness of that little boy to allow the nurses to help him even with the most private of things...because he knows his mother is recovering from surgery and he is concerned for her well-being?

Not sensational enough? Let's fastforward to Saturday, November 24th, 2007...two days after Thanksgiving. A mother sits in a hospital room with her sleeping son. She ends a phone call because she hears an alarm she has never heard before, an alarm letting the nurses know that her son's oxygen level is dropping. Soon the room is full, and it is determined that the child is disoriented, then staring ahead...completely unresponsive. Somehow everyone moves with the child on that bed through the hallways to the Pediatric Intensive Care Unit where the intensivist begins the work of saving a precious life. Aside, the question parents never want to hear, though one that must be asked, "Given his prognosis-do you want us to resuscitate him, if necessary?" The father, who has just arrived, breaks down in the unbelievable stress of the moment. The mother realizes the urgency of the situation, pushes emotions aside, and asks, 'Do we know what is happening?' The answer is no. 'Then, yes, we want you to do everything you can for him.' She stands at the foot of the bed with one of her son's oncologists. Together, they watch the PICU team work...with purpose...like a machine. The mother steps outside the room only when the child is intubated. The drama continues, as the entire department revolves around that one room...that one little boy.... The eyes of those outside the room...every nurse, every resident, every doctor...are looking in the same direction. The parents sign permissions as they are handed to them, and the work goes on. Everything seems to be happening in slow motion. Finally, the intensivist approaches. The child is critical, but stable...on life support....

I have just highlighted the first month of our new life in the pediatric cancer world. I am aware of five precious children who died this week--within five days--as a result of just one type of rare cancerous brain tumor, the same as my son's. Skyler...Adam. ..Mara... Brynne... and Lauren. They belonged to all of us. What will it take for people outside of the childhood cancer community to notice what is happening to our children? What will it take for everyone to understand the urgency of the situation? What will it take for the federal, state and local governments to finally engage in the fight? Will it be the cancer diagnosis of a celebrity's child or the child of a political leader? Will it be the death of a child belonging to someone in the media? Will it be your child?

Please, join the effort to raise childhood cancer awareness. Show your support by wearing a gold ribbon, and by making the issue an important topic of conversation. Distribute copies of this letter in your place of employment, in your place of worship, and in your community. Contact government officials, and express your concern. A decade ago, we noticed a person wearing a pink ribbon on a t-shirt or lapel. It didn't take long for pink ribbons to raise breast cancer awareness in the public eye, and to mobilize our society to action. I hope that in 10 years gold ribbons will be as common as pink ribbons...and that the survival rates for pediatric cancers will be comparable to those for breast cancer. With your help, it will happen...one gold ribbon at a time.

With Hope for Our Children,
Sandy Smith Breast Cancer Survivor & Mother of a Child who is Battling Brain Cancer

Utopia

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Luc spent the past week in Panguitch with his grandpa.  In his eyes, Panguitch is as close to heaven as you can get on this earth.  He so enjoyed being alone with his grandpa.  They went out every morning and every evening hunting deer.  He shot at a couple and had near misses each time.  Luc and his grandpa are "two peas in a pod".  They love being outside hunting and fishing, they love Panguitch, and they love each other.  I feel so grateful he has such an amazing, invested grandpa.  Luc told me that while he was in Panguitch he was able to forget all about the challenges that face him in his life.  It was truly a vacation in every since of the word.

Before Luc went to Panguitch he was able to get his gun.  It was almost exactly 3 weeks from the day we went to Cabela's and took his picture with the gun.  I think that is pretty incredible that a 13-year-old could raise $260 in less than 3 weeks.  He received some donations from family members, he sold some things on Ebay and he kept a positive attitude that he was going to get his gun before the deer hunt.  He even pointed out to me that when he bought his gun he was wearing the same t-shirt he had on in the picture.  He said, "Mom, the visualization really works!"  His friend, David, and his dad and grandpa took him to Cabela's to buy it.  Randy, David's dad, even bought Luc some ammo to go with his gun and treated them all to dinner.  He had such a great time.  He was so excited to get his gun that he was shaking.  He has never been so excited to get anything in his life!

We are including some cute pictures of Luc (BALD IS BEAUTIFUL!!) with his gun and with Cecilia and Zac.  They all love each other so much.  Even though they have their times of contention, they enjoy being together and making each other laugh.  I am a very blessed mother.

Marley

--P.S.  Ron found out this week that he got a position at a company called Paychex.  We are all super excited!!  I am so proud of you, Ron and I love you with all that I am!

--P.P.S. Luc goes in for his next treatment tomorrow.  Please pray for him to be surrounded by angels.

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This page is an archive of entries from October 2008 listed from newest to oldest.

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